This was what our sermon was about at church this morning. Well, kind of. You see, our pastor was quick to point out that we try to fake it, hoping that we'll become whatever or change our circumstances but now that I think about it, that's kind of like putting a text book under your pillow and hoping the information transfers before the final. Doesn't necessarily make sense. Really. Think about it. Any significant change you want to make has to be done from the inside out. I want to lose 10 pounds. I can tell myself to look away from the Halloween candy but my inside my mind is a conversation of reason and it makes sense. I can put the Insanity DVD under my pillow but it doesn't mean I'll have flatter abs in the morning. I've got to change my mind - the inside.
Our pastor gave 2 reasons why people lie or tell the truth and those reasons are the same...fear and pride. Think about it, at some level we lie because we're afraid of what others will think and in turn our pride is damaged. On the other hand, we tell the truth because we're afraid of the consequences and our pride needs a little boost. Either way you slice it, I think fear plays a huge role. I wrote down a few things I was thinking about at church this morning so hopefully I can make sense of it for you now.
At the root of trying to fake it, we are hiding something. We are trying to hide the fact that we aren't ok. Guess what...I probably already know that about you just like you probably know it about me (especially if you read this). So seriously, let's drop the act. Lose the mask. Pony up. Stop faking it. Whichever you prefer let's just do it.
We were encouraged to really seek God to figure out an area in our lives where we are trying to fake it until we make it. For me, it is trying to be mother of the year. Yes, I bake and I cook, but I am constantly trying to keep the house clean and picturing others in the same situation with freshly mopped floors, dinner simmering away, playing a game of checkers with her kids while she waits, in her pearls, to greet her husband at the door. Ok, yes, I've gone a little Donna Reed on you. But honestly, that's who I'd like to be (minus the pearls). And here's my newsflash...SHE'S FICTION!!!
So why can't I come to terms with my needing to pretend that I've got it together and am totally mother of the year??? I don't know! Really, I know it's completely unrealistic. I guess if I were to go back to fear and pride, I am afraid to fail at this. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be good enough or my kids favorite. And the pride thing...yeah...if I'm not their favorite then I'm crushed. Ok, so reality (aka God) tells me that I am the absolute perfect mom for those 2 little turkeys. He gave them specifically to me because we're a good match. Confession time...I'm not ok. I'm quite literally buried in laundry and dishes with lunches to pack and cleaning to do. So, no, I'm not great right now. Here's the bright side...when I say those words, there is a HUGE weight lifted. And now you know that if you come to my house tomorrow, you'll find laundry and dishes and definitely leave your white gloves at home! But, you'll also find a whole lot of fun and laughter and really that is what matters.
I think if we all admitted we weren't ok and actually owned it (not just say it in your head, but out loud to someone else) we would be FREE!! Isn't freedom what we want? We've been fighting for it forever. Women are super competitive and it's not doing anything good for any of us. If we said those three words, "I'm not ok," imagine how less competitive we'd be and maybe, just maybe we'd like each other too! We wouldn't be judging each other we'd be pitching in. It's like the "come together" effect after a disaster. People come out of the wood work when there is a need which is seen as "serious" - homes destroyed from tornadoes or hurricanes. In Indy, there was a huge explosion which leveled a couple houses and damaged a whole lot more not to mention that 2 people lost their lives. People were saying this morning, how can I help. It is the human response, it is what God intended, for us to help each other out, it is the "come together" effect.
Here's where I think we miss the complete idea though...I do not believe that God only said help each other out when there's a HUGE crisis. He said take care of your brother. Help the elderly woman open her car door. Your neighbor doesn't need money but needs your time. We are not good at giving time. We are selfish with our time and I am most definitely lumping myself into this "we." Sometimes people need money and food and shelter and coats. By no means am I suggesting that those things aren't important. Everyone needs their most basic needs met, but what if we did more?
As Christians we need to stop faking it until we make it! Jesus didn't say slap on a smile, go to church, and sleep with your bible under your pillow. He said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well." (John 14:6,7) Jesus wants to fill the inside of us so he can change the outside. I'll put myself out there with this one. Since moving to Indiana there have been few days that I haven't at some point felt lonely but it isn't a bad thing because it has required me to make Jesus my companion. I talk to him as if he is my friend sitting next to me. Sadly, I was too busy faking that I liked Indiana (or trying and failing) to realize that Jesus was by my side waiting for me, waiting to change me from the inside. I still don't love Indiana, it isn't home. My family isn't here. I don't know that I'll ever feel like it is 100% home but what I do know is that once I let Jesus in to change the inside, I don't have to fake it anymore. It is a BEAUTIFUL thing! And, I am seeing the fruit of Jesus in my life. I am less stressed about the laundry and mother of the year. I am learning to say the dishes can wait but she's not going to, and so I color instead. I am less concerned with changing my situation and more concerned with those around me. Not just the big crises but the everyday things. I'm not always going to be able to help and that's ok but man, I can pray my heart out and that is what I've been doing. And please know that by no means am I trying to boost my pride. This is hard. It is hard to admit you're not ok, that like me you're buried, but the beauty of it is you're not alone. There are days I get in God's way and those usually consist of a bag of candy and realtor.com - can you see where this one ends? It's all a journey. Sometimes flat, sometimes mountainous, sometimes icy, but what matters is that we keep moving.
I'm hoping that this all makes sense...once I get going I just go and who knows how it ends up. I guess here's my challenge to you...talk to Jesus like he's sitting next to you. Commit to it for a day, then try 3 days, then a week. See if you begin changing from the inside. And if you're not sure about this Jesus guy...you can still give it a try. You can still talk to him because even though you're not sure about him...he's sure about you. And, I know that I've not been great about answering comments or emails but please forgive me. That was my total fail...it would irk me if I was you. But, know that I do pray for you! I've said it before but if you ever have questions about this Jesus guy or want to hear more of my story, I'd love to share. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me! And he wants to be the best thing that's ever happened to you!
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