First, a Hello Mornings update...it's hard! The first week was easy, then everyone got sick and things started to fall apart. It also isn't easy getting up when it is dark and cold outside. There have been more than a few mornings that I have laid in bed and just prayed for my family or read my bible on my phone. And although I'm not doing what I set out to do (actually getting up and studying), I still notice a difference in my day. I'm a work in progress.
Second, it makes me really sad that my kindergartner comes home and talks about how other girls were mean to her. Really??? Kindergarten??? I guess I'm not surprised. My motto in high school was "Girls are mean and boys are dumb." But again I say, Really???? I am already having to explain that most of the time people are mean because there is something about themselves they don't really like. (In kindergarten terms, of course.) I mean, she's not being bullied but it's the attitude paired with words that she gets. (And hasn't this plagued women from the beginning? If only Eve could have had that attitude with the snake, maybe I wouldn't even be posting this!) I think more times than not I get 5 pictures drawn because she isn't playing with other kids. She, however seems (for the most part) fine with it. As her mama, I'm sad for her.
I can't tell you how much I hope and pray that my little girl is ok with who she is! (I pray that for my son too, but something tells me he's got some healthy self confidence!) I am seeing that she gets embarrassed dancing and singing in front of us. I told her just tonight, that the beauty of this house is that the people who live here, LOVE her no matter what! I hope that sinks in. She is a smart, funny, yet serious little girl. She loves her little brother and still loves Disney Princesses. I've got to tell you, I hope that never changes! I want her to be little as long as she can be. I want her to like herself and really know who she is. I don't want her to follow the popular crowd.
To be honest, I'm not sure that I really knew who I was until just recently. Or, I should say, I didn't feel that I was free to be me until recently. I was really good at blending in and becoming who I thought you'd want me to be. I was really good at that when I dated in high school and college. I was good at that when we moved and I was desperate to find new friends. Fortunately for me, a few of those friends have helped me to let my guard down. I am fun to be around. I can be one of the only sober people dancing like a fool, having a great time (and I'll remember it in the morning)! The beauty of it was that I just didn't care! Seriously, this could only happen because of God.
I am thankful that I've learned this at such a crucial time in my daughter's life. I'll be praying that God guides me (and my husband) each day in our interactions with her. She is awesome and I want her to know that! I want her to know that there is not one person on this earth exactly like her and it is cool to be who God created you to be. He didn't make us all the same, so why do we try to conform and be like each other? To fit in. I guess I've learned that if I have to change who I am to fit in, it may not be a crowd I want to hang out with. I pray that my kids know this much earlier than I did! Authenticity is a beautiful thing!
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