Work in Progress

I should wear a hard hat every day these days.  I am definitely a work in progress and definitely under construction.  The thing is, when you are close to something, you don't always see the change.

I have a sweet, sweet friend who've I've known for some time now.  We met at a totally different time in both our lives.  She was pregnant with her first and we were years from having kids.  We weren't instant best friends but over the years, she's grown into someone that I trust with all of me.  I can tell her anything and know that she is not judging me or going to someone else and telling them what I've said. She is the best kind of friend you can find.

We don't live in the same city anymore, or state for that matter, so we don't get to talk as often as I'd like.  The thing is, when we do talk, it is like not a day has gone by.  We, of course catch up on kids (she has 3, I have 2) and husbands and life in general, but there is something about her that I can divulge my deepest, darkest struggles and pains, and she listens.  It takes a special friend to do that.

Well, today I got to talk to her for a long time.  We get to see each other in a week, so we were making plans for massages and facials but then talked about the nitty gritty of life.  (We're going to need Kleenex next weekend!)  I have to say that I'm so looking forward to sitting with someone, spending a weekend with a friend that will not just agree with me.  She will challenge me, as she did today, call me out (nicely), speak truth.  She sent me a sweet message after we spoke and told me that she can see a change in me - a change in my heart.  That circumstances didn't always seem to change, but my reaction to them had.  It was what I needed to hear today.  God knew that.  I'm pretty sure he ordained the phone call and gave Will a little extra listening power so I didn't have to yell and scream when I was on the phone.  I knew there was some work being done but like I said early, I couldn't see it.

I wrote her back and said this,

"I will definitely take that as a compliment. I feel different but can't put my finger on it, but you did. I can see that in both of us. I think of conversations past and the tone, the outcome would have been different. Less faith, less trust, more trying to do it on our own. Wow. What a season - sometimes I feel like it has been one LONG winter.  So glad that God is there. That he is in it."

I added that I've spent a lot of time lately looking out - at my circumstances, that I am not looking in, at myself and what I need to do differently.  Sometimes it is SO easy to blame someone else that we neglect where we have gone wrong.  The need to be right, outweighs what is right.

So, I am still a work in progress.  I am so thankful for my sweet friend and her words to me - and that they came during a week I've been battling my insecurities.  My prayer is that I can continue to look in and up and just listen.  I'm still learning how to do this and I'll never be perfect at it but I'm working on it.